Zen & The Art Of Fellatio

"Artsy" Zen Sometimes Delivers Quality Porn
Director Clark hits some high notes, misses others

David Aaron Clark never does anything that would be considered ‘normal’ by porn standards.

Starring: Kimmi Khan, Mika Tan, Loni, Asiana, David Alan Clark
Director: David Alan Clark
Company: Elegant Angel
Year Released: 2002
Run Time: 1 hr, 59 mins
Rating: 3.2 out of 5
Extras: Video On Demand Version

He’s into some pretty strange stuff and likes to push the envelope and this one must have really turned some heads. The box is covered with plenty of praise from AVN, including one blurb that suggests that this might be the best gonzo movie of the year.

As usual, Clark has packed the cast with the hottest Asian girls he can find. From very early in the movie it’s obviously that this is not going to be the usual flick. It’s tightly edited and nothing short of bizarre. The quick cut editing, lighting dialog and artsy look may end up making this a really impressive movie or it may give me a headache half way through.

Asiana starts out holding a sword and asking us if we want to see her body. Of course we do, and personally I would like to see it without so much blurry, quick cut, slow motion distraction. She plays with her body, giving us a good tease before finally reaching out to get her hands on some cock. Even the sucking is done very slowly with a ton of teasing. She is a decent looking girl who knows how to draw things out with her tongue and a look in her eye. The problem is that she ends up looking bored in the middle of the blowjob and just keeps on sucking. After far too long, she strokes what looks like a load from the tip of his dick. I swear to God I think she actually nodded off while he was dribbling. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to get from this, but I’ve wanted to jerk off more watching landscaping videos.

Kimmie Kahn is wandering through a creepy warehouse, possibly looking for the source of the angst-ridden music being played too loudly in the background. She stares into a mirror and looks scared. Kimmie finds a blindfold in her pocket but can’t remember what happened to her at the party the night before. Clark is behind the camera and he is willing to help Kimmie, but she is going to be put through her paces first. He makes her put the blindfold back on and strip down to her stockings and heels. The solo that follows is pretty good and Kimmie really looks good seeking out his cock with her mouth. Off come the blindfold and little Kimmie happily sucks away like a kid with a new Halloween lolli. At least she doesn’t look bored and we get some very good eye contact as she works the head with her mouth. This scene isn’t nearly as dreary as the first, but it still takes forever for Kimmie to work a load out of his cock into her mouth.

China Doll starts her scene out with some very bizarre dialog. Some of the shots look really cool and others just look poorly lit. She stands over Clark and gives him a bit of the dom treatment, showing him her feet and her big round ass. China is pretty good at talking, but not exceptionally pretty from any angle. She does herself with a vibrator which is pretty cool even though I want to strangle someone until they turn on some lights. As a special reward, she agrees to suck his dick. OK then, shut the fuck up and start sucking. China puts a condom on his cock and attacks it like Anna Nicole Smith downing a smoked sausage. She agrees to fuck him for a while and finally, mercifully jerks his load out onto her tits.

Mika Tan is a damn cute girl with a great smile. Clark interviews Mika and this is very interesting footage. He has look into a mirror and talk about the last cock she sucked. There is good tease footage here, but I don’t like the use of black and white for this. Mika is great eye candy and has a wonderful attitude, but it takes far too long for her to get her mouth on her dick. The POV angle is great and the lighting is actually pretty good. Mika said something in the interview about treating every dick the same and she certainly goes after this one like it’s her favorite. Of all the girls so far, Mika gives the best head and her blowjob doesn’t seem as overly long as the others. At the end, art nearly overtakes smut thanks to some fucked up editing tricks. At least we get to see her take a good load in full motion.

Loni dances around in a James Bond-ish silver bikini and a long knife. Are we supposed to scared? Are we supposed to have John Bobbitt flashes? Are we supposed to still be awake for this? I like Loni, but watching her rub her clit with a knife and strip for ten minutes makes me wish I had taken that job with the phone company years ago. She is finally confronted by Clark and they share some kissing and knife play. (By the way, DAC looks like he’s shed a whole a lot of weight since Asianatrix) She drops to her knees and gives him a nice looking POV blowjob. Loni works his balls quite well and isn’t afraid to move into all sorts of eye pleasing positions. They 69 for a while and then she even rides his dick. Loni has great looking tits and has great energy. After working him forever with her hand and mouth, she finally gets some jizz all over her hands.

Jeez, someone backed the pretentiousness truck up and dumped the whole load on this movie. Listen David, if you just want an excuse for having your dick sucked by hot (and not so hot) Asian chicks you don’t HAVE to pretend that you’re David Lynch on acid. I want to know what writer at AVN was smoking crack when they said that this one was a contender for best gonzo of the year. Sure it has some moments. Mika is a great cock sucker, Kimmie is cute and Loni is hot as ever. On the other hand, this is two plus hours to cover five scenes and every one of them feels way too long. It’s sometimes visually interesting, but far too often the style just takes away from what should be hot sex. Clark scores points for originality, but misses the point more often than not. This is porn at least that’s what I think it’s supposed to be.

Copyright September 2003 © Mr. Web Review