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BLACK BEACH PATROL DVD
Horizon DVD
(1997, 90 mins)
Starring: Naomi, Lil'
Ass, Sirena Lewis, Menage, Chardonnay, Caramel, Devlin Weed, Byron Long,
Johnny Thrust, Dave Hardman
THEMES: outdoor sex, anal sex, group sex, huge (natural breasts)
DVD EXTRAS: none noted
Rating:9.0 out of 10
MR. WEB REVIEW'S
REVIEW:
Can't remember a film
where I've seen black stars shot so well. The lighting is perfect, the
picture is crystal clear and the sex is way, way over the top in this
"Baywatch" spoof. There's a minor plot about Byron Long
reminiscing about his college years and a summer job as a lifeguard.
But the big deal here
is the sex, man, and from the time we begin the film with the girls
running down the beach in the red swimsuit Pamela
Anderson Lee made famous, well, things never really slow down.
According to Long,
Naomi is a sexual goddess masquerading as a lifeguard, and when he finally
gets his hands on the woman he lusts after, Long doesn't waste much time.
He uncorks some of the most perfect breasts and nipples that you'll ever
see. And Naomi's all natural, dudes. They shake when she moves.
The couple is outdoors
on the beach and as the water gently rocks in, Byron slips in Naomi,
doggy-style, causing the sweetly beautiful dark-skinned woman to moan
slowly and in a dark, deep drawl. Long ends the hot scene with a nutshot
all over Naomi's right tit.
Next up is Sirena
taking on Hardman and Long. She's a foreign girl with long hair and some
surprisingly nice natural breasts. They didn't look overwhelming in her
swimsuit.
She attacks both men
with aplomb, blowing both off in a well shot double BJ, then going doggy
with Hardman while she blows Long's large tool. Sirena even takes a
serious DPing before catching an open mouth facial from both men.
Man, this movie is
cookin'.
Thirty minutes into
the movie, we finally see the lifeguards saving someone (we know, we know,
you see this on Baywatch too much anyway). It's Weed, and he's so moved by
their actions that he decides to become a lifeguard, too. Only he also
starts a relationship with Long's dream woman, Naomi.
So like Lindsey Nelson
on those old Sunday morning Notre Dame football highlights, "we move
on to further action." And it's Weed and Naomi sitting in a tree,
f.u.c.k.i.n....OK, they're not really in a tree, but Weed is tearing into
Naomi's gorgeous figure, sucking and pulling and pushing, eating her out
like she's McDonald's before going doggy.
Naomi again gets in
those low gutteral moans that make the sex seem so hot. Weed gets into a
missionary (nice) and a cowgirl (even better) before filling Naomi's face
with the white stuff.
By now, Long's out and
out jealous of Weed and Naomi and seeks a little solace with Lil' Ass, who
catches Long changing and is amazed by the size of his soft member. After
feigning some fear, she takes on the length challenge, sucking Long's
dick, fucking him and taking him up her anal cavity before receiving a
facial.
Next, Lil' Ass is back
for more: this time in an outdoor scene with Hardman, whom she rides like
the Lone Ranger rode his trusty steed (bad analogy?). This scene has it
all: Lil' Ass' (nice) fake tits, 69s, standing doggy, anal sex, bouncing
boobs during anal sex.
And just when you
thought this movie couldn't get any better, we reach the coup de grace
(the coop dee gracie, smiles): Menage shaking her big ass and Chardonnay
and Caramel shaking their big tits in a makeshift bikini contest on the
back of a pickup for Weed and Hardman.
This quickly becomes a
five-person orgy with Weed and Hardman doing a lot of tit fucking and a
lot of doggy style. Hardman invades Menage's gorgeous bottom and finds his
way to her asshole. Weed bangs Char from behind really hard while she rubs
big natural breasts against Caramel, whom Weed reaches around and pulls
towards him at the same time.
The participants seem
genuinely worked up and there's heat between them. None of this "I'll
lay here til you cum" stuff. Oh no. In fact, for all of the movie,
the actors were up. The production is solid, and when you get good
production and good sex, we'll excuse lack of plot. This is porn.
This is another
critic's choice.
Copyright ©
December 1999 Mr. Web Review
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