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BARBARA THE BARBARIAN
(Essex)
Barbara the Barbarian
Click the movie title to buy
Starring: Barbara Dare, Nikki Knights, Nina Hartley, Erica Boyer, Jeanna
Fine, Dina DeVille, Randy West, Herschel Savage, Scott Irish, Peter
North, Billy Dee
Director: NA
Themes: big budget
values, Conan the barbarian with x-rated sex.
Rating: 7.0 out of 10
MR. WEB REVIEW'S
REVIEW:
A pleasant surprise
here. Most porn attempts at something beyond wham, bam, thank you ma'am
come off as crude and unimaginative. Barb the Barb is campy in the Batman
TV series kind of way, but it's OK. This movie has a plot, subplot and
somewhat realistic scenery.
In that manner, it
stretches past a lot of porn put out now and this movie is 10 years old.
The story revolves
around Barb The Barb, leader of a tribe of women who rule over men and use
men as sex slaves (yea, we know, you want a job on this Fantasy Island,
tattoo).
Nina Hartley, though,
and her phat ass are tired of Barb's rule. She wants to overthrow her. So
the women have a bout -- basically a way to show off two fine ass bodies
dressed in Wilma Flintstone's finest. Hartley loses, but not before we are
treated to T and a hellauva lot of A, and is banished to the wilderness.
Hartley promises to
return (dark music plays here; dah-dah-dah!!!!)
All of this wrestling
has made Dare a bit horny, so she scopes out some slaves, looking for some
to quench her "thirst." It's funny to see the woman doing the
examining and ass squeezing and more power to this movie for doing that.
Dare chooses Peter
North, Scott Irish and Billy Dee and she begins to ride a nice cowgirl on
North while sucking and jacking the other two simultaneously. Dare was one
of the best performers of the '80s, up there with the Lynns, Amber and
Ginger, Nina DePonca and even Vanessa Del Rio (but like DePonca, Dare
didn't get enough props).
North cums quickly and
she tells him, "I'm done with you. Go." North sheepishly heads
off and she lays down for a mish from Dee while sucking off Irish. This
melds into some nice rear action from Irish that is shot really well (just
be sure to lower the volume to keep your ears from suffering through a
droning, DRONING soundtrack).
After her sapphic
session, Barb finds her kingdom challenged by another threat: the evil
"Black Guard," led by king Randy West, who seeks a virgin to
marry.
After a good scene
from North/Fine stuck in between the plot and subplot because, well, this
is a porn movie and character development is like secondary to puss and
dick.
But back to the king.
Turns out Barb's sister is a virgin and the king plans to have her for his
bride. He instructs Herschel Savage to torture her, but it turns out
Savage hates West, who is always getting a blowjob from the king's
servents, who always look like 10s.
So Savage straps a
wall and instructs the virgin to scream after the sound is made (funny
scene I think isn't supposed to be here: she screams too early and Savage
has a good deadpan).
After awhile, this
being a porn movie, the two realize the only way the king won't marry her
is if she's -- yes, mother -- not a virgin. So they do the wild thing:
some good looking cowgirl and reverse cowgirl and some good rear
penetration.
Meanwhile, Hartley has
returned to Barb's place for revenge and finds whom she thinks is Barb
asleep with North. Hartley can't resist that white skin and blond hair and
sucks pussy while North sleeps. This is an impossible, but erotic scene.
While all this is
going, Barb has gone to save her sis. She is accosted by the king's
henchmen but kills them (conveniently off camera) while West bones two
concubines: Hartley, looking soooo good, and Nikki Knights. Some great
rear penetration shots off Hartley's large derrierre getting the boner.
Finally, Barb finds
the king and the two have a challenge to the death: fuck til you drop.
They do. He does. She runs the kingdom and you'll have a movie you'll
watch again. It's got hot sex, a decent plot and it'll make you laugh,
too. Now what else could you want from your father's porn, huh?
Copyright July 1999
© Mr. Web Review
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