One Night In Chyna

Just Another Celebrity X-Rated Voyeur Show
1 Night In China not the best, won't be the last

By Mr Web Review
Senior Writer

By now, you've probably heard all of the rumors about Red Light District's "1 Night In China," the new celebrity hardcore videotape starring former WWE wrestlers Sean "X Pac" Waltman and Joanie "Chyna" Laurer.

Company: Red Light District
Stars: Joanie Laurer, Sean Waltman
Director: Sean Waltman
Themes: Couples sex, anal sex, tease, big breasts, big clit
Female Looks: 1.5 out of 5
Male Looks: 1.0 out of 5
Overall Rating: 1.5 out of 5

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It's not as bad as you may have heard. It's not nearly as sexy either. Joanie's much discussed "huge" clit isn't Vanessa Del Rio big -- nor should it spark all the she-male debates it has -- but when it grows, it does grow.

But the pictures from the video that are all over the internet make it look bigger than it appears on film.

Like most celebrity videos, 1 Night, is more about voyeurism than a true hardcore film. It's just cool for some of us to see two people we've seen on mainstream TV go at it like they were Jenna Jameson and Peter North.

Only Joanie and Sean getting together will never be considered anyone's sexual Olympics.

We get Joanie, trimmer than in her WWE prime, doing some sexy dancing that isn't quite convincing and a whole lot of oral sex from both partners. Sean gets it up easily and stays up and Joanie seems to really relish the thought of having sex on camera. She's a show-off, really playing to the lens, staring into it as she sucks Sean's member, using her hands as a jerking aid. What's clear here more than anything is this: Ms. Laurer likes to get laid.

She fingers her own ass, plays with herself, even -- I think -- squirts. And Sean laps it all up like a loving little husband.

This video was apparently stolen from the couple's private collection and before the thieves could put it on the net for profit, the couple decided to do it themselves. So I guess there was a back up copy laying around somewhere, right?

Anyhow, Joanie will appeal to some folks here, as she did in her wrestling days. Some men will always feel a large woman with muscles is a mini-man, like a Serena Williams or Martina Navratilova. We've seen pictures of Joanie as a young girl, and seen televised interviews from her childhood teachers and friends. We've seen her as a teen participate on an ESPN fitness show.

We know Joanie's a girl. Her two Playboy pictorials showed us that, and she must have some type of following because those are two of the highest selling bunny mags ever. Either that or a lot of guys really like their she-males.

Sexually Joanie seems to like it from behind, offering an ass that has lots of pimples on it, for Sean to play with and explore vaginally and anally. The camerawork here goes from bad to worse. Some scenes are black and white and some are in color, but with this strange sort of orange-pink hue. Throughout the focus is bad, the camera jerks around and is misaligned.

All celebrities who in the future want to "lose" a homemade sex tape (and let's hope that list includes at least a few of the following: Christina Agulera, Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, Ashanti and Jessica Simpson), let's make sure we visit Ed Powers or Rodney Moore for some pre-show camera pointers, OK?

Amidst all the shoddy camerawork in 1 Night, we see several sexual encounters and none is especially memorable. The key here, like it was with the Pam and Tommy tape or the Paris Hilton tape or the Pam and Brett tape is just us seeing a celebrity going all the way.

And Sean and Joanie do go all the way here. I just wonder if anyone will care about this one next year this time. These former wrestlers aren't Hollywood stars to start with and generally when wrestlers leave the star machine that is Vince McMahon's WWE (see Sable or Steve Austin), they quickly lose all their Q ratings points.

If it weren't for this tape, Sean and Joanie probably be on anyone's A-list for a spot on the couch for late night national TV talk or big-time morning drive radio.

I doubt this will help them get there, either. What this is, really, is probably their attempt at a retirement check.