PORNO DAVE
 

"PornoDave's Hollywood Sex Scene"
Fall, 2002 Issue 2-4
By PornoDave from "The Jizz Biz"
www.jizzbiz.tv  

Well, it holiday time. Halloween, Thanksgiving and then onto Christmas. Like most people don't already have enough free time on their hands...most losing their jobs left and right from the new political regime we call a president.

Before I go nuts over what's going on in this country, I'll leave that rant to porn director, The Wraith, later on this month with an article he is sending in. But until then, onto the Mainstream Pervert News...

First Up:

Britney Spears Tries Out Lap Dancing
You heard right. Her first film out the gate, Crossroads, wasn't the big hit her "yes" people were hoping for. This time around The Britster is going to do some dirty dancing.

They should hire her music video director, Greg Dark, you know he has been looking to shoot Britney naked dancing at a strip club and dressed like a psychotic clown.

Hola! magazine says Adios to Claudia Schiffer Sex Photos
The magazine has reportedly paid nearly $150,000 for exclusive rights to photos of German supermodel Claudia Schiffer and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels British producer Matthew Vaughn having poolside sex at Schiffer's Majorca villa. But according to the magazine editor they won't be publishing them.

Maybe those photos will show up with the porn tape made by petite starlet Gauge and some major sports celebrity. Vivid will buy it and make a shitload of money like they did with that Pam Anderson and later Janine celebrity sex tapes. No one is safe...but if they do appear...believe me, those all involved will be paid very well, especially the celebrities. Just ask Pam about that nice fat 8 figure check she got.

Security to protect wax supermodel
The sexy wax figure of Australian supermodel Elle Macpherson recently installed at Madame Tussaud's in London is apparently hot looking like it's owner. According to the museum, they've been forced to station a guard nearby and display a sign warning horny visitors to behave themselves.

Watching cheerleaders change was sports perk
According to two former Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders, who said peepholes in the wall of the cheerleaders' locker room at Veterans Stadium were considered "one of the 'perks' of being a visiting team of the Eagles." Their lawsuit against 23 National Football League teams and 500 players claims visiting players watched the cheerleaders "in various stages of undress, including in complete nudity."

Guard has sex with child killer
A South Carolina prison guard is facing up to 10 years in jail after admitting he had sex four times with convicted baby killer Susan Smith at the Women's Correctional Institution in Columbia.

Hey, at least you know she won't keep the kid is she gets pregnant.
 

Website shows off lost Cindy Margolis nude photos
In her lost catfight with Internet Diva Danni Ashe for the title of Most Downloaded Woman on the Internet, (ultimately both losing to Britney Spears) Cindy Margolis liked to emphasize that unlike Danni, she always keeps her naughty parts covered. But it looks like topless photos taken of the model in the mid 80's have surfaced on the net.

Big deal. A certain photographer everyone knows and uses his services has said he shot the first photos of Cindy ever. And they are raunchy naked X-rated photos! He has sweared he would never show them off to anyone or sell them because he is such "good friends" with Cindy. Bet everyone out there my left nut he does if the economy keeps getting anymore shitty.

Cali Strippers can touch themselves!
Regulations that prohibit topless dancers from touching themselves when performing in clubs that serve alcohol are unconstitutional.

So blowjobs and full service at the nude clubs is still OK!

WNBA's Lisa Harrison says no to Playboy after teasing them
Playboy readers voted Phoenix Mercury forward Lisa Harrison "Sexiest Babe of the WNBA."  She'd gotten approval from her team and was willing to pose but the magazine failed to make her an offer she couldn't refuse.

Typacal bitch, always wanting more to whore. But I heard her rates for "privates" with her lesbo fans is still $1500 an hour. Hey, what she think she is...a porn star! Ahhh that was a joke...

Circus clown butt bangs teen assistant
A 29-year-old man who performed professionally as "Smiley the Clown" was found guilty of sodomizing a teenage boy who worked as his assistant. The boy testified that "Smiley" began fondling him during out-of-town circus trips in 1995,
when he was just 11.

And they found copies of Lion's Gate & Kevin Smith's "Vulgar" in his overnight bag, get your copy today at Amazon.com

Insider-trading porn star feels sad
Following her return to the U.S. to face charges of insider trading, former adult video performer Kathryn Gannon, aka Marylin Star, has been questioned long and hard by lawyers from the U.S. Attorney's office. Gannon/Star says the ordeal has taken a toll. "I'm terribly depressed and suicidal," she said.

Depressed and suicidal...hey, I got the perfect job for you...get back into porn.

Pianist (not penis) busted for flashing
Utah Symphony pianist Ricklen Robert Nobis is well-known around the state as an accomplished musician, composer and radio host, and now his neighbors know him as a pervert. Nobis was charged with two counts of class A misdemeanor lewdness involving a child for exposing his genitalia to neighbors who complained about his loud, late-night parties.

Fucking Mormons.

Drama teacher shows "Lolita" to girl
A local acting school teacher prepared a 13-year-old student for seduction by encouraging her to experiment with illicit activities and showing her the movie Lolita.

Where's the fucking crime in this??!!! Isn't that film on cable all the time...isn't it from a famous critically acclaimed book...and he didn't even fuck the chick!!!???

OK, now I know Big Brother is watching. Why is it OK for parents to let their teen daughters pose for "model" sites like gndtv.com and christinamodel.com and not for a drama teacher to show a video...would it have been OK if the parents were there watching also???

Val Kilmer to Play John Holmes
Val Kilmer will play late porn king John Holmes in "Wonderland," a movie about the 1981 involvement of Holmes and his involvement in a quadruple homicide, to be distributed by Lions Gate Films. Lisa Kudrow and Christina Applegate are to co-star who hopefully get naked in the picture.

"Wonderland" is not the first project inspired by the Wonderland murders: Killer Films and Magnet Entertainment are developing "Superstar 81," penned by Tristan Patterson, which like "Boogie Nights" sets a fictional protagonist in the porn world.

I heard Val will use his "codpiece" from Batman to help him with the "illusion".

David Schwimmer dating internet porn chick
Ross is dating a porn chick. The real Ross, that is. The New York Post reports: "Friends" star David Schwimmer took an Internet porn star to the recent Emmy Awards. Schwimmer, best known for his role as Ross on the NBC sitcom, which was awarded the Best Comedy Emmy for the first time on Sept. 22, shared his big night with new gal pal, Carla Alapont, whose claim to fame is the naked pics of her featured on at least a half-dozen Internet porn sites.
Photos of the aspiring starlet can be seen on various soft and hard-core pornographic Web sites. Alapont has also posed for Playboy.

So celebs dating nude models...and the story here is...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer bares all in Playboy
OK, the original Buffy from the movie, Kristy Swanson, gets very naked in the November issue of Playboy magazine. The tall, blonde actress appears completely nude in a 10-page pictorial that shows off the incredibly fit body fans have long been waiting to see.

The big news is people still can't believe dorky Just Shoot Me star, David Spade was banging that chick...for quite awhile.  

Playmate/porn star sues over past injuries
Teri Weigel has been a Playboy Playmate, a porn star, a stripper and even a whore at The Bunny ranch brothel in Nevada...oh...and sometimes mainstream actress also, but now she turned up as a plaintiff in a personal injury case, seeking $3 million for lost wages, medical bills, and pain and suffering that followed a 1994 highway accident. Lucky jurors got to watch a 1996 video of Weigel doing her thing on a strip club stage.

Hey, I've seen that same video. Teri is dancing up a storm and...what's that...a check to shut up...cool Teri, you go girl!!!

American Taliban was Gay "Taliwag"
A new report suggests that American Taliban John Walker Lindh's attraction to Islam may have been more of an attraction to Islamic men. A married Pakistani businessman reportedly told Time magazine he was 21-year-old Lindh's lover. An imam from Lindh's Islamic religious school has also hinted that he enjoyed sex romps with the young zealot.

Now I understand why Osama hangs out in caves with guys....mmmmmm

And now onto a related story...

Unmarried girl stoned to death for having sex
In India, an unmarried 16-year-old girl who gave birth to a baby was brutally murdered by six "judges" of a village court. The men reportedly dragged the girl from her home and beat her with canes before stoning her to death. Witnesses say one judge climbed onto her chest and hit her head with bricks till she lay motionless on the ground.

OK, and they say our country is full of infidels. I still don't understand why these countries still exist. When we needed a cure for Polio we made it. With all that inbreeding going on there, sisters having to marry brothers and fathers with their daughters, it's no wonder the Middle East is all fucked up. They say we are perverts over here. These countries are just like a virus and need a cure...real soon...

Then again, maybe they have something there...saves a shitload on the welfare system.

Israel said to have used female soldiers to strip for Arabs
Reports that a female Israeli soldier shot and killed Palestinian demonstrators after doing a striptease on top of her tank are being called "ridiculous" by the Israel Defense Forces.

Comon, have you seen a naked Israeli chick that was worth dying for. Euggeshh!!!

Natural blondes will one day be extinct
A German researcher predicts that by the year 2202 (how the fuck did he come up with that year???) there'll be no more natural blondes left in the world, and you can blame porn stars for their extinction. The problem is that the gene
for blonde hair is recessive, which means both parents must have it to produce a blonde child.

So all you wanna be dumb blondes better stop playing the stupid game, cause we are onto you...

Scammers swindle investors into making porn
The FBI says a group of New York investment scam artists duped investors into investing in a company they claimed was an up-and-coming computer firm. The company, identified as Netline, was actually a New Jersey firm that made porno videos. "There was filming equipment, cable boxes, and various film sets including a Jacuzzi, a cage with whips and chains, and a shower," an informant told the FBI.

What I want to know was what where some of the titles they released..."Ball Street," "Cock Exchange", "Riding the Bull & Bear"...that's just sick!

Just trust in the Lord and you'll feel "real good"
A New Jersey faith healer has been charged with two counts of sexual assault for allegedly coercing a woman to have sex with him by telling her it was the only way to drive out the demons that were causing her chronic leg pain. After the woman's family placed a donation of about $40 at an altar, the healer 'treated' the woman in a separate room while her family waited outside.

Yeah, but did her leg pain go away...that's all that matters.

Multiple Sclerosis may be STD
A British scientist says his analysis of published medical data indicates that the nervous system disease multiple sclerosis could be transmitted by sexual activity. The London's Institute of Neurology found higher rates of MS in young, sexually active people and in cultures with more permissive sexual attitudes. He also notes clusters and epidemics of MS in areas following the arrival of military troops.

Great! Now I wonder what Sharon Mitchell at A.I.M. is gonna do about all these new tests. But it does explain a lot about past slutty behavior...Richard Pryor (super freak), Teri Garr (70's free lover), Montel Williams (married a stripper)...

Man cuts off left nut in job protest
A Peruvian man decided the best way to get some attention about his out of work status was to chop his penis off. OK, so they save his dick and are able to reattach it. But he feels he still hasn't got his point across, so he goes and cuts off his nutsack. He has no nut now and still unemployed.

Fuck our American dockworkers, they have it fucking GREAT!!!

Onto more dick news...

Russian doctors grow cock on man's arm!
Something that seems to jump from the tabloids, but it looks like it's true. A 16-year-old Russian boy whose penis had to be amputated after it was burned in a freak accident is now sporting a home-grown replacement. Reconstructive microsurgery specialists at a Russian clinical hospital actually grew the new organ on his arm over a period of 10 months, then cut it away, made a urethra, and attached it in it's more usual location.

Can you imagine the possibilities. Pissing into a sink or out the car window. Having a girl shack your hand and getting jerked off...hell..I'd go back to church when they all shake hands during the sign of peace...yeah!

Boys force 7-year-old to suck their dicks
Three Wisconsin boys, ages 10 and 11, are in custody after being accused of forcing a 7-year-old boy to perform oral sex on them.

Not only is that wrong, it's just Gay.

Last up on our last mainstream, pervert, sex news...

Witherspoon's Brother Arrested for Sexual Assault
From The Smoking Gun Dot Com: Meet John Witherspoon. The 29-year-old Tennessee man, best known as the older brother of superstar actress Reese Witherspoon, was arrested for allegedly sneaking into the home of a female neighbor and sexually assaulting the woman (who was asleep on her couch). According to Metropolitan Nashville Police Department affidavits, Witherspoon was charged with burglary and sexual battery (he was released from the Davidson County jail after posting a $24,000 bond). During the filming of "Sweet Home Alabama," Reese Witherspoon's latest blockbuster, the 26-year-old actress employed John Witherspoon as her chauffeur.

Man, the stories he must have about him and his sister....what!! Did I say something wrong???

OK, now onto The Porn News...

Woody Long Dies From Stroke
From Gene Ross Dot Com: "I hear that Woody Long died this past Saturday from a stroke in Boulder, Colorado. From what I'm told Long was coming down the steps, had a stroke, fell and hit his head, the blow of which may have killed him. Woody was the significant other of first Celeste and later Sandra Scream. Woody and Celeste married several months after meeting one another and performed almost exclusively together for a time."

Big Deal! If you all want to pay respect to Woody, go to The Classic Lady Of Oz stripclub in Van Nuys and stare at the ceiling. You'll see the lighting rig he allegedly sold off to the club and not telling his porn star wife at the time Celeste he was going to do it and kept the dough. I'm sure she really misses him...yawn.

Porn Star Jenna Jameson & Friends Show Up At XXX Hollywood Movie Opening
Posted on the E! Channel message board by rico_informant: "Those darn stupid air-head blondes.... The Hollywood opening of XXX was held at the Mann Theaters in Westwood Village last Monday night. All of the stars turned out for the big media event including a group of adult porn stars who were a little confused by the movies title. It seems that Jenna Jameson and her friends from the porn industry also showed up for the Hollywood opening of XXX in Westwood Village last Monday evening. When asked by a reporter from the Hollywood Reporter as to why she and her friends showed up for Monday night's event, Jenna responded "I thought XXX was one of our movies." Oops."

Now this is just wrong. How could E! post this and not check if it was true? Do I believe it? I don't think so, but Jenna did at one time put regular gasoline in a Hummer that took diesel only...guess what happened.

Play explores lives of "Deep Throat" stars
A new play on stage at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival takes a serious look at two of the porn industry's most legendary performers, Linda Lovelace and Harry Reems. "Deep Throat: Live on Stage" by British author Simon Garfield uses the actors' own accounts from interviews, books and official testimonies to explore in particular whether Lovelace, who set a new standard for oral sex with her infamous big gulp.

I hear the play ends with the Linda character fucking a dog on stage and the Harry character going of to Utah to marry 10 wives.

Bianca Trump Shoots Herself?
The biggest rumor on the net also was the saddest when info came in that it WASN'T true. Now I know everyone would have partied like it's 1999.

Porn Chicks at the San Diego Comic-Con
I guess the turnout for porn chicks at this year's San Diego ComicCon was pretty cool. Inari Vachs visited and signed photos at the Hippy Comix booth. She was an official guest of the booth. Also at the Hippy Comix booth was Steve Crompton (the current publisher of Carnal Comics and the creator of Demi the Demoness). Carnal Comics was formerly published and mostly written by my old friend Jay Allen Sanford (who I hear currently writes for the San Diego Reader and was the Writer and Editor for many of Revolutionary Comics' Rock 'n' Roll Comic Books).  

They say there will be new biographies of X-rated actresses. The next biography to come out will be a Felicia comic book. They also did the Torn comic book (the Carnal Comics adaptation of the X-rated video).

They still publish Carnal Comics? Now that's a fad gone bye-bye. I even used to write for it and stopped like 7 YEARS AGO!

Carnal Comics is located at www.demicomix.com/carnal01.htm.

At the Warehouse Films booth, the Sam Hain horror film was being promoted and there were cast/starlets of Sam Hain such as Taylor Hayes, Jenna Jameson & Ginger Lynn.

I remember last time I was at the ComicCon and hung out with big-titted Lovette who was signing for Carnal Comics. We ended up driving her rental car over to Mexico and watching her roadie get so drunk that he blew chunks all over the inside of the rental as we waited FUCKING TWO HOURS to drive back over the border. Dumb Fuck!!! Lovette is a freak! All she did all night in Mexico was pay whores at the strip club to fuck beer bottles all night. It was one of the best nights of my life.

OK, that's it for now. I'm tired. I'll be back soon with more shit talk on the industry. I have to end with saying that the dumbest thing I have seen so far in the adult industry is... Adult Action Figures! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT!!!! Toys are for kids. What fucking losers are buying these things? The don't even keep any of their value. I see these things all the time on EBay and they can't give them away. I know most porn consumers are loser fat fucks who watch Star Trek and sit in front a TV all day, and play computer games and beat off to girls walking around at the mall...oh...I do that for this job...disregard what I just said.

See ya next time. Till then, Happy Wanking!